Falling All Over Again

Just got back from Portland, Oregon last night.  It has me wondering about what makes someplace home.  How did I fall in love with this city at first sight, when I knew nothing about her?  How did I just instantly know I would end up there one day when I first drove into the city one cold night in 2003?  It feels at times she loves me nearly as much as I love her.  Did she align the stars to bring us together?  Granted it was not an easy road to get me there and keep me there for over 4 years, but worth every step.

When I returned to my hometown in California last year brokenhearted after one of the biggest losses of my life, I truly believed I'd never go back.  It seemed Portland was closed to me, she no longer called me the way she used to.  I thought she too was through with me, perhaps all our bridges were burned.  It took me a while, but I was coming to terms with that.

Then I drove into the city one dark cold night last week and there she was sparkling under a pink cloudy sky and it took my breath away.  I fell head over heels all over again and in the blink of an eye I was fantasizing about drinking coffee while watching the rain fall and taking long walks on cool foggy mornings and the smell of the northwest soil as I planted a garden.  She was calling me home again.

Now I am back in California again.  The weather is fantastic, Fall it seems is on hold for a while longer.  My life is here.  My parents, my job, my best friend, my history is here.  Am I ready to pack up all my sundresses and trade them in for endless seasons of boots and scarves?

I don't have any answers tonight.  I am torn between so many choices and the lives they could lead me to.